Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
