It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
