All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
