I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
