All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
