im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
