Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
