Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
