i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
