He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
