Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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