a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
