I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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