there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
