Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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