Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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