I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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