hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
