I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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