So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
