I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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