I skipped work to stalk him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
