Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
