Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
