roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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