Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
