my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
