There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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