It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
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