I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
