I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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