3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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