Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
