I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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