i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dear god my vagina.
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