Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
