there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
