he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
