you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
