before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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