I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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