you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
