just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
