What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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