there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
