Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
