Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
