Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
