in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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