My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
