You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
