She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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