i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
