I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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